In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
