i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
this is an emotional support booty call
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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