What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize