I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
