also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
