she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
