True but thats because hes a fetus.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
