you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
