I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
