Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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