I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
