you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
sex in a hospital.. check
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
