the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
