that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
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Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
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Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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