i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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