In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
