Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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