It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
