found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
