We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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