Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
