It's Friday. Sex?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
