A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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