Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
