And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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