I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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