he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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