I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
