Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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