He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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