if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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