Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize