hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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