thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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