She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures