There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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