sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
