I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...