If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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