I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
These 17 People Made Horrible Decisions That Ruined Their Lives
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me