is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.