you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.