watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....