wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
