I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
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just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
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After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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