hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
