I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
