so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
