I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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