i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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