i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
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I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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