Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
