I am puke
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
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