peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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