You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
