she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
