After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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