meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
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I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
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My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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