the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
