Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
And then he peed in my hair
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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