You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
