in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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