i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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