you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
