brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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