All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just found a bag of teeth...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
