My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
