So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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